...

imm ssooo tiiired
i'm sick of waking up at 5pm every day and going to bed at 5am, i'm not used to having a weird schedule like that. its sickening. also i have come to the conclusion that being hung over dosnt really feel like anything more than fatigue.
this morning i made an egg bagel. only to realise the bagel was moldy. to remedy this issue, i got a new bagel from a different pack and put the egg on that one. although, i did take a couple bites of the moldy one prior to realising.
also. devon gets back from his stupid trip tommarow yay! devon!
last night bendy was freaking me out. she kept staring under my bed as if somthing was there, paired with the fact i was hallucinating seeing bugs and spiders. thats a thing thats been happening more often lately. i foolishly try to kill these make-believe bugs and spiders, which is a very jarring experience, because they simply dissapear upon contact.
last night i was animating, but i also wanted to watch deltarune gameplay with my girlfriend. i was mad because i wanted both, but i kinda knew i should take a break from working.
i was low key STRESSING. i really need to get caught up on deltarune. but. but flash. i love you. i need to animate. but then also i wanted to look for a new profile picture. my god. very difficult.
i then had a devilish idea. what if i drank half a shot. THEN id be able to sit and watch videos, while knowing damn well working isnt an option.
i'm on a new antidepressant, and google advises to not drink too much, let alone AT ALL, and i listen to these warnings because it can fuck you up if you arent careful.
since i'm very light, i usually need only half a shot to get proper drunk, because the vodka i have is 80 proof.
i foolishly drank less than half of a shot, not knowing that even THAT was far too much. i was very incoherent and sloppy. spinning around in my chair.
i was on a call with hocus, and she kept saying how sweet i was. i was so not ready for any of it. i was very overwhelmed with love and joy.
i had my webcam on, just pointing out moles on myself. i found a new one on the back of my leg. it was an incredibly visceral experience.
i hope my mom or brother gets more twisted tea because i like those more than vodka. its more casual.
my mom and brother don't know that i drink, but i feel like my mom kind of knows, i mean, there were 3 more cans of twisted tea in the fridge, and when they go missing, she just blames it on my brother. somtimes he walks over here and takes stuff from our fridge.
but i dont think that excuse works anymore, because my brother is currently drafted out in iraq or some shit doing stuff for the air force.
if she found out i drank, she would be slightly dissapointed. also she is the kind of parent where if she caught her kid vaping or somthing, shed just say "its your life". i think the only video on my channel i've animated start to finish while intoxicated was soda shake.